Consecrate Me

A/N: I've been in a funk for the past couple of days, and so I decided to listen to my audio-Bible and this is the resulting cry pouring from my heart.

Lord, I don't know why things happen the way they do.

I don't understand the things that You've set in motion, yet I choose to follow You. I can't pretend to be unafraid, because inside I'm shaking like a leaf. I know that You are always faithful, but it is me who fails and me who is untrustworthy. I do not always trust in Your Word even though You have never given me a reason to doubt it. I do not always trust the promises You've made, yet none of them has turned up void or null. You've have been honesty and steadfast even the smallest of ways, still I lack faith at times.

Renew me, Lord. Consecrate my heart, mind, body, and soul to the purposes that You have seen fit for them. Take my life and use it for Your glory. Apart from You, I have done many terrible things and led myself on a path of destruction. I'm sick of doing life my way, because my way is a wide highway to hell. It all seemed well and good until the stupor wore off and suddenly the cold harsh reality set in. Now I'm looking around for those who said they'd be by my side, and I am alone. I look around for comfort, yet I am alone. I start a fire to warm these frozen marrow-bones, but nothing melts them.

I know You see the honest and pure desire in my heart, a small thing for You, but in my weakness I begin to falter. I lose hope as the days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and I question whether my motives were so pure to begin with. Who am I to doubt a desire You've placed within me? Who am I that I should question the source of my strength? Lord, sap me of my worldly strength, so that I can only turn to You for vigor in this. My double-mindedness toys with ideas crafted in the dark, expose them with Your Light. Bring Truth into this foggy midst of confusion and uncertainty and wash away my doubts. Lord, take this desire from me that I may once again receive as a gift from You, instead of taking it for granted and assuming that I know best how to make it happen. Erase from my mind any schemes of the flesh that hinder Your glorious plan for my life.

Teach me to be praise You in the midst of suffering. Teach me to cry out to You as I used to when my faith was child-like. Break my legs so that I may lean on You as the elderly lean on canes. Cleanse my tongue, the instrument of speedy death and destruction, so that it may once again speak Your words. Remove and replace these wickedly idle hands and set them to task for the purposes You've given them. Chastise my fiery member, that it may no longer work in offense to You, but consecrate my seed unto the millionth generation that they should serve You and You alone. Let none fall in mockery of Divine Nature. Gouge these shifty eyes of mine, and replace them with eyes that look upon You alone, for what I have seen has crucified You a thousand times over.

Oh Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner! I, a false prophet among believers, a double agent working among Your highest calling of ambassador! Lord, make these actions of mine a thing forgotten and set me on the path which You have paved for me.

Amen

The Daily Grind

I hang my head in shame
'Cause a day without You just isn't the same
I close a chapter in my story
To start afresh giving You the glory
I've got a lot to answer for
But You said You remember it no more
I know I'm not worthy
But I know Your blood covers me

Jesus,
Jesus,
I am more than just a friend
I am more than just a fan
I am more than just a fling
I'm in love with-
Jesus,
Jesus, JESUS!

I am a bloodstained bride
Covered in sin, I had nowhere to hide
After all I've done
You still say I'm the one
I can't resist You
'Cause You're all that's true

Jesus,
Jesus,
I am more than just a friend
I am more than just a fan
I am more than just a fling
I'm in love with-
Jesus,
Jesus, JESUS!

Jesus
(The lover of my soul)
Jesus
(Savior, redeemer, God)
Jesus
(Life, love, and laughter)
Jesus

Jesus,
Jesus,
I am more than just a friend
I am more than just a fan
I am more than just a fling
I'm in love with-
Jesus,
Jesus, JESUS!

Pater, Rex, et Salvator!

What splendor! What glory!
A deity of such magnitude
Creator of the universe
How You could create us
In Your image
We turned away from you
Rejected, scorned, betrayed
You still loved us enough,
Enought to rescue us
You became Father to us all

Our sins were many
We could not escape them
We were without hope
Vestiges of Your words
Stained the vain hypocrites-
Power hungry mongrels of the religion
But instead of destroying the First Law
You came and fulfilled it, with Love and Compassion
You gave us what we needed,
Not what we wanted
As You hung on the Cross
Few of us knew the significance
Yet Death could not keep You
And three days later You rose, resurrected
You became King, the conqueror of death!

Now that the veil was torn
You're presence no longer confined,
Defined by the curtains of a tent
Upon Ascension, You didn't abandon us
But gave us another, The Helper
Your Spirit now dwells within us
Living temples of the Resurrection Life
No longer do we walk in darkness
Nor do we follow a far off distant light
The Light shines from within us
Our sins are forgotten
Your Spirit calls us out of the past
Into Marvelous Light!
You are Savior!

Semper te laudabo,
De Facto

Hold My Hand, Daddy

Daddy,
I am scared. I have to go far away from home; away from all the people I know and love. Away from those whom have shown themselves to be great friends... I'm leaving everything I've built and maintained for the chance to get an education. I'm scared of losing my friends, of those I care most about, of losing what I'd fight to death for... I'm scared of never getting out from under the debt I'll be accruing over four years of school. I'm scared of not being able to find a home and not seeing the dreams You have given me come true.

I know You said to trust in You, to delight in You, that You have plans to prosper me... Yet I'm just afraid, Daddy. I need You now. I need You to hold this crying child of Yours, a son who is overwhelmed by the ever-developing changes in his life. I have had so many set-backs, so many things happen that have threatened to break me, but You have kept me steadfast with grace and serenity. Why should this time be any different? For some reason, I cannot help feeling scared of the uncertain future that lies ahead of me.

Hold my hand, Daddy, hold my hand. I need You to hold me tight as I cross the street leaving behind everything to accomplish what You have set before me. Hold my hand because I have no one else to hold it. You are the only one who can chase away my fears, and quiet this anxious mind.

I love You, Daddy.

Semper te laudabo,
De Facto

Bride's Song

Ever since I fell in love with Jesus again, I've been singing, "How He Loves" a little differently...

You are jealous for me
You love like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of Your wind and mercy
When all of sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions
Eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

(And) Oh! How You love me so
Oh! How You love me
How You love me
How You love me so

You are jealous for me
You love like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of Your wind and mercy
When all of sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions
Eclipse by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

Oh! How You love me so
Oh! How You love me
How You love me
How You love me so

Yeah, You love me
Oh! How You love me
Oh! How You love me
Oh! How You love-

And You are my portion
And I am Your prize
Drawn to redemption
By the grace in Your eyes
If Your grace is an ocean
Then I am sinking (I am sinking)
And You met me
With a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart beats violently
Inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain
These regrets when I think about
The way-

Oh! How You love me so
Oh! How You love me
How You love me
How You love me so
Yes, You love me
Oh! How You love me
Oh! How You love

Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus!

My God, My Savior
Who am I?
Who am I to come before You?
The Holy of Holies manifest
Christ, the Son of God
I reach out and grab hold
Knowing that You're right there

How can I deny You?
How can I resist You?
More than God, more than man
You are the love sustained

My Lord, My Love
Why would You?
Why would You choose to love me?
King of Kings, Prince of Peace
Adonai the Sovereign
I fall back
Resting in Your arms of serenity

How can I deny You?
How can I resist You?
Capture my heart, rapture in my soul
You are love neverending

You're more beautiful
So beautiful, so holy
You're more beautiful
So beautiful, so holy
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful, Lover

How can I deny You?
How can I resist You?
Swept me off my feet, placed me on higher ground
Your love never fails to satisfy

You are so beautiful

Lord, I thank You and praise You for all that You have done in my life. You've taken me from a very bitter young boy to someone respectable. Someone who can understand love, who can understand but a fraction of the unending mercy and grace You've poured over me. I can't escape the rapturous joy that You give me, and I wouldn't want to escape it when it's so welcoming.

Te laudabo,
 De Facto

I Can't Get Enough of You, Jesus

Romans 8:38-40, "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Lord God, I praise You for all You are and for everything You've done. You are the source of life, the source of hope, and the source all good things. Your power is matchless and radiant throughout all the earth. There is none like You. Savior, there is nothing You cannot do, and I believe it. I believe You can heal any illness, calm any fear, heal any broken relationship, and break any bondage. I cannot escape the wonder and awesome grace that is Your love, Jesus.

There is none who compare to You, none who can save me from myself as You have. There is no greater joy than knowing You.

1 Corinthians 1:25, "Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men."

2 Corinthians 12:9, "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

If Your foolish is wiser than me, than I have nothing to give that could outdo You, Lord. I take comfort in knowing that my weakness is used to make room for Your power.

Semper te laudabo,
De Facto